Revelations

I’ve been having a lot of revelations lately, mostly because I’ve been thinking (possibly over thinking) a lot of aspects in my life. My latest reason to obsess was, now that I’m quite comfortable being in like with Nick, why exactly are we together? Neither of us want to get married until we are at least 30, he’s moving to Long Beach after school, I’m moving to Portland to finish up school, are we just biding our time? Shouldn’t a relationship always be working towards something? And if it isn’t, are we just dating for convenience, for a warm body to lie next to?

And then it hit me, I’ve already worked past that social stigma of marriage. I’ve reconciled within myself that a husband just might not be in the cards for me, and that’s perfectly ok. However, what I hadn’t done was to apply that philosophy to all aspects of my life. If marriage really isn’t a necessary aspect of everyone’s personal life, why should every relationship we have be required to work up to it? Romantic relationships don’t NEED to build up to holy matrimony; contrary to what your bible study and mother have told you. Growing up in the suburban circles I did, this revelation left me feeling a little lost. Do I just never enter into a relationship? I still found myself asking, what’s the point? And then I realized how freeing this philosophy really is. Without the social pressures to work towards something in a relationship (that neither party really wants to work up to at this point) there is so much more freedom to just be. Be with one another, be happy, be in the moment. I can be with Nick, enjoy the time we have together, really put everything I can into the relationship without worrying that I’ll end up married before I’m actually ready, just because we followed the course everyone else did.

I am not dating for convenience, for training, or any other silly reason serial monogamists get into relationships. I will never be that person. I’m with Nick to share a very personal, exciting experience with another human being, to connect with someone in a way that every person should at some point in their life, especially when you're young in the summer. I can do all of this without the pressure and fear of loosing myself to a timeline set up by a faceless societal force. Honestly, it’s like a friendship with pizzazz. A whole lot of pizzazz. It’s amazing.