Gang Violence and Estate Sales

photo credit- weheartit

Back in September I moved into a sweet little house, with nice little roommates, cute little doo-dads painted on the walls, and precious little neighbors.  As it turns out, this awwdoorable house also sits in the middle of what seems to be a heightening gang "situation."  Twice now I've found my self in a dark corner, clutching my knees to my chest, wondering if I should risk crawling to Emily's room across the hall to hide under the covers with her.  I always wondered if I would be able to tell gun shots from a car backfiring.  I am quite the expert these days.  But what's life without a gang shooting here and there, amiright?  At any rate, I'm too lazy to consider moving and if I wasn't, I'm stuck here until the lease is up in December.  I also have my own bathroom and washer/dryer.  This is unheard of in Portland and not something I'm willing to give up because of a little gang violence.

So, to feel better about my possible life threatening living situation, I decided to spruce up the old bed chamber a bit.  Roommate Jackie and I perused some estate sales over the weekend.  It's a dance, estate sale shopping.  You have to know when to go, when to hold 'em and fold 'em, and when to jump on something before someone else snatches it out of your thrifty little fingers.  As garage sale season starts to blessedly approach again, there's really only three things you need to know to have an effective shopping trip.

     Estate Sale Pro Tip #1- Most sales run Friday through Sunday.  If you can, try to go the first day, right when it opens.  You'll get to see all the goods before everyone else snatch it all up.  But here's where you've got to start trusting your thrifty intuition- decide if whatever you've found is really worth the full price listed.  Usually prices will drop 50% on the last day of the sale.  So if it's not dripping in wet your pants, frenzy-inducing, vintage awesomeness, just let it sit there for a couple days.  If it's still there when you go back on Sunday, you'll feel like it was meant to be and end up paying a lot less.

     Estate Sale Pro Tip #2- So you've found that macrame trivet, bedazzled parrot hanging wall art, and half empty bottle of vanilla extract (I have seen all of these personally at sales).  And you waited until Sunday to purchase them, so they're ridiculously cheap-- but you're not done yet.  You are estate sale shopping, you are in this to buy unnecessary trinkets for literally next to nothing.  You. Mean. Business.  But you're also kind of passive aggressive and non confrontational.  If you've waited until the wee hours of a Sunday sale, all you have to do is mention a minor imperfection and the tired person working the cash register will give you a cheaper price.  This is how I usually do it-- as I pass him or her my items to ring up I describe them as I go.  "Here's a wripped parasol, a chipped tea cup, and a scarf with a hole in it."  Of course you could also barter with them, but like I said, this is for the non confrontational, passive aggressive set.  And now you've got a brand new (to you) half empty bottle of vanilla extract for not two dollars, not 1 dollar, but fifty cents.  Go you!

     Estate Sale Pro Tip #3- Try, if you can, to find a balance between honoring the life that you are rummaging through and keeping an emotional distance.  I struggle with this the most.  I walk through the emptied rooms with life remnants scattered here and there after being fondled by any and all shmucks in off the street, myself included.  All I can think about is this person- this person who doesn't live here any more, or just doesn't live at all.  And I get sad.  I get sad for the family that's having to grieve and get rid of everything that looks and smells and feels like this person that's not around anymore.  I start to think about how a life all of the sudden is reduced to some bins of clothing and silly art they bought in the 80s-- how exposed they would feel if they knew strangers were parading through their house, judging and making assumptions based on the way they chose to decorate their life.  I usually think myself into an existential crisis which promptly fades when I admire my finds in their new home-- my home.  To avoid any and all existential crises, don't take the sale personally.  Try to think, instead, of how their memories, stored in the nicks and the nacks, can allow them to live on alongside your new memories.  And unless you're super into music boxes, don't open any up.  They are alway creepy.  Always.

And that's it!  You're ready for summer, my dears.  Go out, buy irrationally cheap furniture and picture frames, and kitchen utensils, and think about how you may or may not have brought home a haunted music box.  But before you do, post your own garage/estate sale pro tips in the comments section.  I'd love to hear them!

Since I'm shamelessly gratuitous, soon I'll post pictures of my room pre and post Operation Anti-Gang Violence Redecoration.