My Deepest Apologies to Elizabeth and Susan

Man it’s hard to be a chick these days. Ok, maybe not as hard as it was for Elizabeth Cady Stanton, but still, there are some things that have been grinding my gears lately. I think society has fooled us into thinking we are completely liberated and free to speak our mind on anything. And for some brave women, this is very true. I mean, say what you will about Hilary Clinton, but at least she’s standing up and speaking her mind, regardless if you agree with what she’s saying. On that principle alone, I think she’s great. And my friend Caitlyn, who amazes me everything time she stands up for her and is respected for it. But take someone like me for example. I’m no submissive housewife, but I’m also not exactly outspoken. This has really become clear to me in my relationships with men. And not just MY relationships, most women in general deal with this. We are forced to do this incredibly difficult balancing act. As women we want to be respected and to be able to speak our minds and be completely open and honest in everything we do, but as girlfriends we are forced to hold back and choose our words and timing carefully at the risk of being labeled “clingy.” I hate that word. I think that could be the most feared word by women in the relationship dictionary. Heaven forbid we let someone know we care about them and shame on us for getting upset when the person we are “with” blatantly snubs us at a party for a girl in a low cut shirt and an eager eye. Not that I’m bitter or anything.

There’s this “author” Christian Carter. He writes about relationships and how women can “keep” their men and get them to commit. I’ll admit, I read his newsletter because I figure I can use all the help I can get. But honestly, the guy just pisses me off more than helps me out. His advice is full of what the woman is doing wrong. He encourages us to think about what WE (women) are doing wrong in every single situation. Every trouble in a relationship can obviously be blamed on both people involved, but this misogynistic idiot tells women that if they change everything about themselves in order to give their “man” enough space to breathe, eventually he’ll come around and decide he’ll keep you for a while longer. And if it doesn’t work out, well you clearly scared him away. Never mind most men are “scared” of commitment because what of society has told us it looks like (eh hem, Everybody Loves Raymond). No, it’s clearly the way you approached the situation. Honesty is really never the best policy; you need to trick him into being with you.

He writes a lot about “the talk,” where you decide where the relationship is going and if you both are ready for a commitment. But apparently being straight with a man and lying everything out for him is a deadly mistake. Apparently men are a fragile species who run away at the first sign of honesty. So censor yourself ladies. Quiet those inclinations to speak your mind to the people you care about, that is if you want to keep them around.

I’m, as usual, speaking from experience. For the past few weeks I’ve noticed the relationship I’ve been in has fizzled a bit… Ok a lot. I’ve gotten so wrapped up in what I should say and what I shouldn’t say and what that could mean for us. And I think that’s actually good, obviously there’s a difference between censorship and choosing our words wisely, but I’ve held so much back and keep my mouth shut so I can be the “cool girlfriend.” The one who doesn’t care if he disappears into a bathroom with another girl for 20 minutes, or if said girl is hanging all over him all night. No no, I’ll put up a happy front and put up with him, because that’s what good little girls do. I think the last straw for me was when ass and slut emerged from the bathroom, slut wiped her mouth off and when I told ass I was leaving he looked at me with sad yet willing eyes and said “well I thought we could… you know, hang out some more.” Oh YES! Please, let’s go fool around now that you’ve finished with Slutty McSlutterson over there. Nothing puts me in the mood like infidelity and blatant disrespect.

He, of course, is blissfully oblivious and I, of course, still care for him, and God only knows why. A stronger woman would’ve kicked this kid to the curb weeks ago, but I still hang on, trying to be optimistic and not judge him for things he did while drinking. I mean he DID call me when he got home, at 5 in the morning, completely drunk. But at least he called right? Susan B Anthony is turning in her grave right now and I don’t blame her a bit.