A Rare Moment of Personal Affirmation

I love to write. I really do. This is one of those rare moments where my heart's nodding in agreement, that this isn't just what I do, it's what I love, and who I'll be for the rest of my life. And, for today at least, that's not the least bit scary. It's really exciting.

New Music Monday: Gregory Alan Isakov

Today I present you with a local gem, Gregory Alan Isokov. He's very much reminiscent of Josh Ritter and the like. Love the name, love the voice, love the face.

Hope you're enjoying you Monday and that Mr. Isokov can make it a bit more cheerful.

Today

Today, I would like to:

Eat This

{recipe here}

Read This

{here}

Watch This

{here}

Play in These

{here}

but instead

I'm doing this

{here}

C'est la vie.

Snowland

This is what's happening outside my window currently. If I can get out of my obligations today and stay inside with some hot chocolate and Christmas music, I will definitely be ok with this. If I have to go outside though, I'll be pouting. Yep, like a 5 year old.

In other news, Sir Eliot gave me a compliment Thursday. I know I shouldn't crave his approval, but the fact that he's so horribly discouraging makes me pine for just one word of affirmation. Well I got it. He was reading a prose poem I'm working on (this proves that prose > than poetry, for me at least) and told me I had amazing imagery. Huzzah!

Right after that I hopped on the light rail to the Denver Center for the Performing Arts (school bag and all) and saw Wicked. It wasn't as good as the first time I saw it a few years ago but, come on, it's Wicked. Of course it's going to be amazing. Defying Gravity made me cry and I really wish they would reprise it at the end.

This time around I realized just how many themes and the extent of the social commentary it has. That paired with the hilarious dialogue, the costumes (oh my we were so close and we could see the detail. They were amazing!) and of course the incredible music, this has got to be one of the best musicals... ever. Yep, bold statement but I'm standing by it. Afterwards we went across the street to this restaurant called The Corner Office for dessert. All of the sudden my mom whispers "that's the wizard!" And sure enough, the wizard and the rest of the cast strolled in for drinks. We left them alone, despite my mother's protests, but it was still very cool to sit that close to the wizard.

Last night I saw Bright Star. It's about John Keats and his muse, Fanny Brawne. I really wanted to love this movie. I did love individual pieces. The costumes were amazing. The guy that played Keats, he could read me the phone book and I would swoon. There were some amazing scenes with wonderful acting. But as a whole, the story was lacking something and I'm not sure I know what it is. I think it just wasn't told very well. Characters weren't introduced to the audience properly and the rising action wasn't presented well. The climax though... yeah it's good. Despite it's shortcomings I definitely recommend it. The cinematography is absolutely gorgeous. Here's the trailer and some stills:

Very Recent Happenings

Tonight I went to this.

It was fantastic.

And I had a brownie sundae with the cast afterwards.

Well, ok, they were just at the same restaurant, but still. The sundae was delicious.

Tomorrow I'm doing this.

I hope to share a sundae with a monkey.

Preferably at the same table.

It Finally Found Me

Someone just threw up in the campus library.

Many times and very vocally.

I wanted to share with everyone so you'll understand

my absence

when I inevitably get effing swine flu.

Breathe in Deep and Be Inspired

A few midwives that are friends of mine are living in Haiti right now and posting all sorts of pictures of births they're doing. Around May I seriously got to thinking about studying to become a midwife. I talked to my friend Lisa who just moved to Haiti, she gave me the number of a guru, I called her, set up some time to assist in pre natal visits at the end of August... and then summer came. I don't know what it was really, my summer wasn't particularly exciting, but I got distracted. I hardly thought about midwifery all summer, I didn't read the books I was supposed to and I totally blew off the guru when August came. I felt bad about blowing her off, but I figured if I hadn't thought about it all summer, it must not be that into the idea.

But looking at these pictures, seeing the work these strong, amazing and beautiful women are doing, the example they're setting for other women is seriously inspiring. And not inspiring in the way that makes me want to write a check or say a prayer. Inspiring in a way that makes my chest hurt because I'm not doing it.

For the past year I've been searching for ways to incorporate the only two things I really want in life:

1. Help people, especially abroad (Haiti, Africa, Eastern Europe)
2. Write

As I'm reading Donald Miller's book about living a story worth telling, he keeps saying that the essence of a story is a character that wants something and over comes obstacles to get it. Now that I know what I want, I'm just waiting for the obstacles. Specificity is the big one staring me down right now. How do I want to help people? Midwifery? Starting a non profit? Therapeutic writing programs? There are infinite possibilities, and daunting as it may be, there are worse obstacles to be faced with I suppose. And how will I incorporate writing? I have no plan right now and I feel like I'm biding my time until graduation. In essence, I'm not living a very good story.

Now that Mr. Long Distance has removed himself from my life and the distractions he brought with him, my new goal is to work on living a good story. Something someone might want to write down someday, or might mean something to someone when they close the back cover, tighten their grasp around the binding and put the pages to their nose. You know, the way you do when you know a story has changed where you're going and what you know about life. I want people to tighten their fingers around my life and hold it to their nose. Breathe in deep and feel inspired.

New Music Monday: Autumn and Pandora

The leaves are turning amber, the kids are stomping on crunchy leaves (ok, so am I) and I'd really love a pair of boots that look a sweater. That being said, here is my Fall Pandora station which I love love LOVE. Just click here.

{photos from here and here}

Going To See This Fella Tonight

Today is a good day. Much better than yesterday's ranting and ravings. My beautiful and wonderful roommate got us free tickets to see my author crush tonight, Donald Miller. He wrote Through Painted Deserts, Searching for God Knows What, and Blue Like Jazz. He pretty much changed my view on church, God, religion, all of it. He's a big part of the reason I'm not quite as bitter as I used to be about it all.

Anyway, I guess I'm just here to gloat and tell you all I get to stare into his big blue eyes for an hour or so and listen to him talk about how to live a story with telling, which is what his new book is about. I'm only a few chapters in but I'm already in love (erm, with the book. Not him. Yeah).

PS- I know it may be confusing that I talk about being a Christian and yet tend to curse like a sailor. I feel ya, it's a bit contradictory. This article helps. Possibly a topic for another post. We'll see.

May Be Pan Handling Soon

Don't let that pretty picture of the skinny girl twirling in the sunlight deceive you. This is not going to be a cheerful post. Remember how I swore this blog would not turn into a black hole where all my frustrations and negativity would come to lay their sweet little heads? Yeah well fuck it. I'm in a bad mood... again.

But before we get into it, I'll hold up my end of the deal:

There ya go. I hope that made you all fuzzy inside because I'm quite sure those delicious and adorable/ridiculous cupcakes (and the fact that they are not right in front of me to help induce a sugar coma) are pissing me off even more. And that DRESS?? Good Lord it's beautiful. With taxes and shipping and it's more than $400. Where does Anthropologie get off charging that much for their shit? Granted it's beautiful shit, but can someone please explain to me what makes that dress, and it's serious lack of fabric, worth $400?

Speaking of money... Fuck this recession. Let me tell you a story.

My boss came home yesterday in a bit of a tizzy. She and her husband own their own business. I don't totally understand it but basically the go to foreclosed homes and perform evictions and clean out the houses for the banks. Maybe. I usually just nod my head and say "hmm" and "ah" when she talks about it. The one thing I DO understand is that they're barely holding their heads above water. A while ago she gave me my check and told me the next day that that if I cashed it, it would most likely bounce. That was a low point. After that little episode I heard less and less about money and business problems and assumed things were on the up and up. I mean, I'm the fucking babysitter, I'm supposed to be concerned about the glue supply and whether or not we have colored pasta for the macaroni necklaces we're making Tuesday. I wasn't going to go out of my way to hear how close I came to not getting a pay check on any given month.

So anyway, back to yesterday. My boss comes home and says "We can't pay our rent at the office so we're moving out and not telling the land lord." Raise your hand if you think that's an AWESOME idea! She may have the business degree and I may only be a lowly creative writing major, but I'm pretty sure this plan is going to back fire at some point. Backfire as in lawsuit. And if they can't pay their rent, how the hell are they going to afford a lawyer and a settlement?? I suppose they could just let their nanny go and save about $1000 a month.

Who would like to guess where they are relocating since they're backing out of their lease and not operating out of an office now? If you guessed their home, you'd be right! Yes, folks, my boss will be setting up an office in the living room and her husband and three other guys will be moving into the garage. The garage isn't such a big deal, as long as they stay out there and don't come in and mess with the kids. I'm foreseeing a lot of tears and interruptions. The living room situation, though, is absolutely NOT going to work. This house is tiny. Basically the only place those kids have to play is the living room. So my homework for the weekend is to figure out how to not be home as much as possible.

I was driving to school today and thinking, could I just let them go? Could I move on to a new family, with a steady job (do those exist these days?) and a normal living situation. I could let my bosses go. It would be sad, but I could. Adults are easy to move on from. But then those little faces started to pop up in my mind and I realized there is not way in hell I can quit. It would be like driving away from my own children. I've been with them for almost a year and even those they drive me effing batty, I love them more than I've loved anybody. It's so weird and I've never realized it until today when the thought of having to leave them, not see them everyday, left me crying on the freeway.

But all of that means nothing if their company goes bankrupt and they have to end up paying legal fees, oh and I'd be out of a job. Fuck this recession.

PS- When I left today, after getting a crash course in what my new life and schedule with the kids is going to be, my boss said "And you're going to have to start taking the trash out on Thursdays because we can't remember. We have to all start pitching in." Oh, sure, when I'm not making sure your kids aren't killing themselves, are culturally enriched and engaged, and well fed, vacuuming the nooks and crannies, cleaning the ever-destroyed kitchen, doing all of the laundry (yes even the adult's underwear and sexy time clothes), then I would LOVE to take out a trash can that is twice my size and in a spot where you have to cross treacherous terrain to get it out to the curb. Seriously, a line has to be drawn somewhere, right?