honest conversation

I've had yet another "moment." You know those times in your life when things get so messed up and everything around you is a blur and you're moving in slow motion? And then you slowly realize that to make things right you have to change something, anything. I've been walking in the fog where nothing really makes sense, I use poor judgment and I go looking for validation in all the wrong places, thinking and convincing myself that this one will be different. I don't know what it is about me that attracts all the wrong types of people. People that are really really bad for me. People that add absolutely nothing to my life but tell me I'm pretty or show me an ounce of kindness and all of the sudden they're perfect. I'm a terrible judge of character and far too trusting for my own good.
They say you should never settle. But the only people that are knocking on my door are definitely less than satisfactory. If I don't settle I'm afraid I'll just end up chasing ghosts for the rest of my life.
I'm tired of being taken advantage of and underestimated and looked down upon for whatever reason, like I'm an easy target. It's hard to value yourself when it seems like no one else does.
And trust me, I hate this wilted flower routine I have going. I hate admitting that I don't love myself the way O magazine says I should. I've never really been one to put myself down out loud, but I heard honest conversation is important, so here I am honestly conversing.
I know I've been promised something perfect. Something better than I could ever imagine. And maybe it's just the instant gratification generation I've been born into, but to be quite frank I'm tired of waiting. No I'm not looking for marriage, nothing even close to that. What I'm looking for is someone that can help carry my burden, that I can walk through my life at the moment with. And after writing that sentence I've just realized what I should be looking for...