When God Sings

I had a realization today in my car. As I was driving to church it just hit me...

The best way God communicates with me is through music.

I feel a little silly just now realizing this, I mean it makes sense. I love music, it's what I turn to when I have no where else to turn, it's my best friend and my inspiration, which all happen to be God like characteristics. (I would like to state however that I in no way believe the musically stylings of Britney Spears or Telia Tequila in anyway reflect God, Jesus, and/or the Holy Spirit.)

When I'm suffocating and I've totally lost my direction, I always have a moment. I could be in the car, in the shower, or in my room with a blanket over my head listening to a song and a lyric will just strike me. I could have listened to this particular song a million times before but in this moment, this line is what matters most, and I think that's totally God. When it comes to spiritual matters, I'm not the best listener. I tend make very simple things complicated. But music... Music is simple. Music is bold and tends to hit me over the head when I have my hands over my ears screaming like a child because I'm afraid of hearing something I won't like.

So let me tell you about the song God sang to me this morning...

I was listening to Matt Nathanson's new album Some Mad Hope. At face value, I honestly wasn't too excited about the CD, but I had a gift card and I wanted to get out of Best Buy as soon as possible. I've listened to the album about 5 times now and each time it gets better and better, like wine. As I was driving to church this morning I was sort of half listening to the song playing and half cursing the train passing by for making me late.

And then I heard him repeat a line that stuck out... "come on let's make this dream that's half awake come true."

When I heard that line, I hit back so I could listen to the song from the start. The song appealed to me because for what ever reason, songs about packing up and leaving everything you know and starting over in a new world strikes me as an incredibly romantic notion. It's something I've always wanted to do. But really that's not what the song is wholely about, at least not to me at that moment. That's the magical thing about music. The writer may have wrote the song about one thing but to the hundreds of people that listen to it, there are a hundred different meanings, and I think that's beautiful.

Anyway... back to God's song.

It was mostly just that one line that hit me "come on let's make this dream that's half awake come true." I felt like it was God speaking directly to me. He was saying, "Come on Sarah, I know you don't know where your life is going right now and it feels like you're losing control, but I have plans for you, beautiful plans, magical plans. And I know that it's just a dream to you right now, but together we can make it come true. So trust me, you're on the right track, and I'm here with you the whole way. You're going to be ok."

But God likes to be concise, and I believe He is something of a poet, so He just sang, "come on let's make this dream that's half awake come true."

I've been tearing myself apart lately about what I should do with my life. Should I stay in school, should I change my major, should I shave my head (yeah, I'm borderline Britney crazy at this point). Honestly leaving school is what felt the most right, but I couldn't be sure if this was me making my own plans again or if it was what God wanted for me. But in that moment, in that one beautiful line of music, I feel like God sang to me what I needed to hear.

So, I am here to say officially that I will be leaving CU Denver. I won't be going back in the spring and it's terrifying to write that. I'm going to miss seeing so many people and I'm absolutely terrified of getting out of touch with people I love so much.

CU Denver will always be a place I look back on with a smile. I learned so much about myself and about other people there, but I'll save my goodbyes for a different day. For now I just want to say that this is something I must do for myself, to find myself again and to find love again. I've lost myself these past couple of months and I need to rediscover why I was put on this earth, because I'm confident that it was for a reason. I am on a quest to find that reason again.
It's incredibly liberating to look yourself and others in the eye and be able to say "I have absolutely no idea what the future holds for me and I'm ok with that. I have great aspirations, I just don't know what they are yet."

So here's to 2008 and undiscovered great aspirations!