Revelations

I’ve been having a lot of revelations lately, mostly because I’ve been thinking (possibly over thinking) a lot of aspects in my life. My latest reason to obsess was, now that I’m quite comfortable being in like with Nick, why exactly are we together? Neither of us want to get married until we are at least 30, he’s moving to Long Beach after school, I’m moving to Portland to finish up school, are we just biding our time? Shouldn’t a relationship always be working towards something? And if it isn’t, are we just dating for convenience, for a warm body to lie next to?

And then it hit me, I’ve already worked past that social stigma of marriage. I’ve reconciled within myself that a husband just might not be in the cards for me, and that’s perfectly ok. However, what I hadn’t done was to apply that philosophy to all aspects of my life. If marriage really isn’t a necessary aspect of everyone’s personal life, why should every relationship we have be required to work up to it? Romantic relationships don’t NEED to build up to holy matrimony; contrary to what your bible study and mother have told you. Growing up in the suburban circles I did, this revelation left me feeling a little lost. Do I just never enter into a relationship? I still found myself asking, what’s the point? And then I realized how freeing this philosophy really is. Without the social pressures to work towards something in a relationship (that neither party really wants to work up to at this point) there is so much more freedom to just be. Be with one another, be happy, be in the moment. I can be with Nick, enjoy the time we have together, really put everything I can into the relationship without worrying that I’ll end up married before I’m actually ready, just because we followed the course everyone else did.

I am not dating for convenience, for training, or any other silly reason serial monogamists get into relationships. I will never be that person. I’m with Nick to share a very personal, exciting experience with another human being, to connect with someone in a way that every person should at some point in their life, especially when you're young in the summer. I can do all of this without the pressure and fear of loosing myself to a timeline set up by a faceless societal force. Honestly, it’s like a friendship with pizzazz. A whole lot of pizzazz. It’s amazing.

I'm Figuring Out The Rest

Well, a lot has gone since I've last updated. And the them of my life right now is learning.

I'm learning what it's like to be a real live grown up with a real grown up's job. I've been at said job for 5 months now and am seeing why everyone gets burnt out so quickly with office jobs. It definitley keeps me on my toes and I'm learning how to be responsible and manage time better... and how to separate work from social life. It's like Jackie says, "it's work. You go, you do your thing, and you leave." I'm trying to remember that a not bring the stress home with me.

I'm still living in Denver and I really do love it. I love my little studio on Ogden street. I however do not like the lack of dishwasher and air conditioning. I'll make sure to remember this when I'm searching for my next apartment. I don't plan on living in the same building when my lease is up. I thinkt hat's the beauty of apartments. You have a year to have fun and experience a certain are with a free and clear excuse to make a big change when your name is no longer attached to it. This makes throwing away money on rent almost tolerable.

The next update is not meant to be shoved in the middle of housing statuses (stati?) and future plans because it really means much more than that. Sarah Van Wyke, the eternal quirkeyalone is infact dating someone... nay, not "dating," I have a full blown boyfriend. And it's fun and lovely and great. I'm learning how to not be so selfish with my time and realize that focusing on myself is important, but perhaps not THE most important thing. I still obviously love to catch with the inner Sarah. Read, write, SSSB (if you don't know what this is, I'm not telling), it's all great, but I'm learning to incorporate this new element to my life and that takes adjustment. I haven't gotten the dance down yet but I'm certainly learning the steps. Nick is a great guy and certainly patient and understanding of my "quirks," shall we say. He's certainly worth putting myself aside for a while and opening up to the idea other peopl exist. Ok, that was an over exageration, but really... I'm learning.

New plan! Or shall I say "idea." I've decided to go back to school. It's important and the right thing to do. I by no means regret taking the semseter off. I think it was the best thing I could've done honestly. I learned a lot about myself, came out of a really bad state and came into my own. And now that I'm a little more clear on who this person is residing in my skin, I'm ready to head back to school and take a crack at this "higher education" thang. I'll be going to CCD (please don't judge me). I'm just going to work on my general education requirements at a place that charges $70 a credit. It's a situation that makes sense. After I finish those up, the IDEA, is to head off to Portland and try my hand at English at Portland State University. I'll be majoring in English, minoring in writing, and scribing my butt off. I have some family that lives out there that makes the whole process slightly less nerve racking, but I love nerve racking ideas. They get me through the day. I'm just ready for a change. As much as I love Denver, I think it becomes a bubble that a lot of people need to break away from, at least for a little while, if not forever. The music scene (which translates into social scene) is incredibly small, intertwined, and taking its toll on me. I'm not even 21 yet but I have to as myself in the middle of the parties and the hangovers... There must be something more than this. And for me that "something" is books and writing. I think I'll be able to make this work.

I KNOW I'll be able to make this work.

I have to :)

New Goals:

Read More

Write More

Stand up and stand by who I know I am

Figure out the rest