My Life is Good, My Life is Great

As I walked into work today I told myself “you are a motivated, professional young woman. Working here is not a right; it is a privilege that can be taken away. And then what will you be left with? Bills and an empty checking account. “But here I am blogging again, after my usual alternations between Facebook and Myspace. I am a terrible employee.

This weekend was interesting, full of reunions, cigarettes and cops. I ran into Mikey Brian on Friday night. I can’t say it went exactly how I had pictured it. I had hoped I would a bit more graceful and bit more… sober. But considering the circumstances I think it went ok, if you call hiding in the bathroom ok. Ha. We ran into each other the next day as well and things were considerably smoother. I was definitely given a lesson in being a bigger person and I think I did pretty well. And through everything, the weekend just solidified the fact that being single is so much better for me right now, and so much more enjoyable. I like coming home, cooking dinner, throwing on cutesy pajamas and painting my nails for no one but myself. I love super secret single behavior, like listening to the last song on John Mayer’s Continuum on repeat and full volume while I wash the dishes. Why? Why the hell not. It makes me happy and there’s no one to judge me for it! I absolutely love being on my own.

Genny and I are throwing ourselves a “5 Year Anniversary Party, 4 Years Late.” It’s just quirky enough to turn out amazing. We are registering at Argonauts’ Liquor and the Dollar Store. Haha. Another reason why I’d rather have friends than boyfriends, you can’t do this type of stuff with them. Everything is so serious and the risks are so much higher. With Genny and I, we can be stupid and loud and obnoxious and HILARIOUS and it’s all good. It’s easy and it’s 99.9% drama free. Who needs a boyfriend when you have that?

I think I’ve finally settled on going to California State University Long Beach in a year and half. It’s scary that I’ll be going to school again but when I look at my writing compared to other’s I can see how much I need to work on it and how much I am lacking. I feel like I need a mentor and guidance otherwise I’ll just stay stagnant. An English degree will get me lots of places and whatever I decide to do, I will at least have a degree, which no matter what I tell myself, it’s necessary. I don’t regret leaving school though. It was what I needed to do then, to get my head right again. To figure out what it is I wanted to do, because the music business just isn’t right for me. I think a combination of music and writing is right up my alley. I just need to figure out how to combine those in the best way possible. Maybe start a magazine, or webzine or blog or something. I could even start a ‘zine now. Make photocopies and just leave them out for people to read. How incredibly punk rock of me. Ha. So that’s the plan. Improve my writing and start saving for CSU Long Beach. I’m guessing it’ll take about 2-3 years to finish up. It’s not the time that scares me; it’s the student loans and the debt I’m going to get into. I think I’ll basically have to pay for it all by myself, something I have no idea how to do, but I really feel like this is right. I can use writing to really do something good and contribute. I never want to feel as vapid and shallow as I did when I was working towards a degree in music business. Everything felt so dirty and consumer driven. It’s not the life for me. I’d rather be broke for the rest of my life and feel like I’ve given back what I’ve taken from the world then be wealthy and die knowing I did nothing of importance. Success to me doesn’t mean a nice car and big house. It means a life full of experiences and love. I have lots of love right now, and I feel like that’s something I’ll never be left wanting, but I want to give as much as I receive and that’s something I still need to work on. I want to start volunteering and giving back to this city I love so much and with that, with the giving of love, comes experience.

My life is good, my life is great.