Decode

Hindsight.  It's what my blog is named and, for no other reason than it's what popped into my head when it came time to name the baby.  But I think it's an interesting concept to ponder.  Hindsight is, as they say, 20/20.  Looking back on many many decisions, some more recent than others, I probably should've been more guarded, less open.  This all sounds so coded and for that I apologize.  I've lost my blog footing and I'm trying to figure out where it's heading.  I love the community I've discovered here, but when is it too much?  What is the line that needs to be drawn in the public forum?  The first real open and honest post I put on here rebounded with a fantastic amount of support and love from the people I have read about and really felt connected with.  But is it worth it, when that openness and honesty collides with your real life?  The people you are writing about, those with the names and not the vague characters I've appointed to my bloggish story?  Or maybe, that honesty should translate from the computer screen into reality.  Think of what our lives would be like if we allowed ourselves to be that open and unguarded in our real, signed-off, lives.  Perhaps there would be more heartbreak, more depression, more relationships (of all kinds) ruined.  Maybe we need walls and barriers to preserve ourselves and each other.  Or maybe a guarded life is truly not lived or felt.  Because we can't know true and unabashed love and joy without soul crushing and life altering pain.

This was written in a flurry of thoughts that are still trying to push their way through.  It may not make sense but, despite the lamenting above and the fact that I swore off blogging forever an hour ago, I had to get it off my chest and had no other way to do it.  Despite a lack of anonymity the call to expression remains and the need to connect with others, electronically and otherwise is still very real.